Operation Bangers & Mash

Hagar has been back less than 24 hours and we have already had our first fight. This is not unusual so please don’t be alarmed. It’s part of the re-integration and also in establishing, who has worked the hardest, and is the tiredest. (Ahem! Obviously – it’s me!)

I have had a fairly full on 10 days. The Menace has taken her destruction to new levels of patience testing. Her latest occupation is to wait until I am engaged in a domestic chore elsewhere, take the stool from the under counter to the work surface, climb onto the work surface and then create some form of havoc. Things like drop jelly sweets into the toaster, eat all the biscuits or her latest pastime, of scooping washing powder out of the box and spreading it liberally around the kitchen.

This coupled with hunt the poo, as she is nearly ready to be potty trained and so is randomnly curling them down, is enough to send me nuts. Washing powder is a tricky clean because you have to keep it dry to clean it efficiently. It’s fair to say that I am fairly knackered, plus I am an insomniac and a snipsy bit manic.

When Hagar returns from ‘away’ the two worlds don’t necessarily collide harmoniously. Although, I did manage to stay on top of the domestic chores, the powder incidents (x3) and an accidental unexpected alcoholic excess meant that I was a little bit behind on my admin. Being the doting wife I had shopped for a roastie dinner but neglected to take the joint out of the freezer early enough so by 4pm, it was fairly obvious that Roast Pork was off the menu. I was fairly certain that I had some sausages (bangers) in the freezer and that we would be able to re-adjust the supper menu to bangers & mash instead. Hagar and I agreed that we would eat at 6.30pm.

He then asked me to get the sausages out of the freezer. To be honest, this is where our stories begin to conflict. He seems to think that I had agreed to this request. I am fairly certain that I just ignored him and mostly likely thought, ‘get the sausages yourself.’ It’s highly possible I didn’t articulate this thought and just carried on doing what I was doing.

At around 5.00pm Hagar asked me if I had got the sausages out of the freezer. I replied that I hadn’t. He then stomped into the garage to get them himself, only to discover much to his chagrin that I had in fact mis-informed him about how well stocked the freezer was in the sausage department and there weren’t enough sausages in the freezer after all. Enraged by this complete communication failure on my part, he then draws the conclusion that he is in fact going to have to drive to the supermarket and purchase some sausages if we are to have the agreed bangers & mash. He is clearly very disgruntled about this and very grumpily drove to Tescos and bought some sausages for tea.

On his return, I then have the audacity to suggest that he could do with perhaps ‘chilling out’ over the lack of sausages and I even very generously acknowledged that I was in fact ‘wrong’ about the quantity of sausages in the freezer. On further discussion, we discovered that Hagar had just returned from a fairly stressful exercise, where they had achieved in a very condensed period what they had originally intended to do in a longer period of time. I won’t bore you with details. It was during this rather intense explanation that I began to chuckle, and then giggle, with a bit of snorting. Hagar was explaining to me that if he wanted something done at work he would task the very young, and thrusting, officers on his squadron to do something then they would expedite it immediately and with knobs on. He, too then finally cracked a smile.

It was becoming very clear to me that I had clearly failed on Operation Bangers & Mash (er…bovvered). If Hagar had been at work and said to one of these young officers, ‘go and get the sausages from the freezer’, the officer in question would have gone to the freezer established that we were out of sausages, then got in his car gone to the supermarket, and if they didn’t have any sausages he would have gone to the pig farm, slaughtered a pig and made him some sausages because that is the kind of energetic and enthusiastic young men that he has on his flight. Therefore, to come home and issue an instruction and to just quite frankly be ignored was not what he was used too. Hey hum, he’s home now and I am glad that we managed to get that first row squared away early. It’s broken the ice and I have managed to re-establish the standard operating procedures of chaos and insolence. Operation Bangers & Mash was not the best executed of military exercises but I did manage to get the supper on the table TOT (time on target) 1830 despite my complete insubordination and terrible intelligence on sausages stocks in the freezer.


  1. You ran out of sausage ammo? First rule of combat, soldier, you always keep a steady supply of sausages to the front line!

    What about beefburgers? Do you have beefburgers? Chicken dippers?

    Ok. Cheese. Do you have cheese. A cheese sandwich is not to be underestimated in times like these.

    1. Self-centred, competitive, perfectionist sportsman or service man – what’s the difference other than me and you not doing as we are told. I think it’s because we are in charge not them – I am surprised they haven’t got that yet.

    1. Then it would be about who called it in. Really, it’s about establishing that I don’t do as I am told early on from crossing the threshold. It’s not even that he doesn’t know this – it’s just that he’s forgotten.

  2. never fear; it’s not only husband-wife issues. When my son comes home on leave I need to remind him I’m not one of his junior Marines and he neeeds to ‘revisit his attitude.’ Within a day or so he’s a normal human being again!

    1. I am glad we got it out the way early – he’s ‘away’ again soon. It clears the air! I get why he’s like it – it’s just annoying that I have to remind him every time he comes back that I don’t work for him and he needs to put his stuff in the dishwasher – seriously, how hard can it be!

  3. Har har! I think we’ve all been there to some degree whether over processed pork products or misplacement of items which have not gone missing whilst beloved has been away and are now mysteriously absent with claims of no knowledge on their part…..
    Re-integration can be tough, and since we don’t salute them, they need to remember that things that would be ‘orders’ at work are ‘requests’ at home!!!!!!!!

  4. Ha Ha (I guess) Burning my bra back in the 50’s was the start of this, Hagar. If we’d left our bras on, maybe the bangers would be in the freezer. And who knows, maybe not!

  5. Hahahaha!! Operation Bangers and Mush. Genius post. Unfortunately I fail at even Operation Frozen Pizza just about every night. Husband calls to ask what is for dinner while driving home. Dinner? I say as if the thought never occurred to me. Then he picks up something tasty on the way home. This is how I avoid being domestic. I don’t think I would get along well in the military, would I?

  6. Hahahahaha!!!! The Hubble and I do this too! He comes home and starts issuing orders and I either talk back or ignore. I have often said “I’m not one of your soldiers so don’t treat me as one.” I don’t know about these men thinking they can be the boss at work and at home. Haven’t they ever heard of Household 6?? THAT is the most revered and respected position in the military!

  7. “Hagar has been back less than 24 hours and we have already had our first fight. This is not unusual so please don’t be alarmed. It’s part of the re-integration and also in establishing, who has worked the hardest, and is the tiredest. (Ahem! Obviously – it’s me!)”

    This is so recognisable! You’re wrong though: He’s much more knackered than you are 🙂

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