A Modern Military Mother has been shortlisted for the Brilliance in Blogging Awards 2014. It came as a massive shock to me because I had decided that I was done with pimping my arse out all the time and so thought fuck it I am not going to enter this year and I was thinking about not even going. And then knock me down with a cotton picking feather I only bloody well go and get shortlisted anyway! So there we have it – destiny and now obviously I have to go!
Now I need to you to please sodding well vote me:
I haven’t been blogging in the way that I used to. These daily updates on the evolution and progress of the children and my life. People are always asking me are you and Hagar back together. And the answer is ‘no’. But we are working together to raise our children so I guess we sit in a no man’s land where we can only slowly move forward but we can’t go back. Our children on the other hand are blossoming! And that makes it all worthwhile for me. Every step of the way when I see my children happy and secure I know that I have made the right choices and decisions for them. It is for them that we are united and agreed.
The Menace turned 6 years old yesterday – can you Adam and Eve it? She was only 2 years old when I started blogging. She loves her birthday. It is the highlight of her year, second only to Christmas. She is still a Menace and is stealthily creating havoc and mahem. She likes to pick holes in the wall plaster, put lipstick on her lips and kiss the walls and twice she has cut her own fringe to Audrey Tatou levels of shortness. But she is adorable and has a very cute little lisp. She is a girly, girl and for her birthday she had a prayers answered with a Barbie Jeep, a Monster High scooter, some purple doll thing, a doll with a dolphin and surf board, unicorn stuffer cushion, a Minnie Mouse school bag and Frozen jigsaw puzzles. Then to school armed with a sweetie cake. After school was her first ever haircut at a salon where it was washed, cut and blow dried. I had crossed the threshold where we could get away with an £8 hatchet job at the Blue Banana barber and also we had to somehow resolve the self cut fringe.
Then off we shopped to buy her a new hamster.
The new hamster has been a while coming. Especially as the previous hamster met an untimely demise after the Menace and her friend played a game of ‘bounce the hamster’ unbeknownst to me. It has been hugely contentious as has actually cost me one of my oldest friendships when she posted on Facebook details comparing the Menace to a sociopath and then connecting her to the killers of Jamie Bulger – there is no coming back from that and I see it now as a sign to move on. And so after lots of tears and lots of investigation, we were able to determine that it was in fact a genuine mistake and not some first foray into animal torture. This incident occurred before Christmas and we are confident that 5 months on the Menace is ready to care for another hamster. Welcome Sammy!
The Grenade, who is now 10 years old, has settled well into the local school and is looking forward to moving on to my old school next year. I can’t believe that he is going to the same school as me. In a gazillion years I never would have had me back in Wiltshire but here I am and I love it. I aiming to stay put for a while. It’s great knowing that I won’t be moving around anymore. It’s time to build my empire and let the kids make some friends.
I am releasing the French version of A Modern Military Mother – Tales of the Domestic Frontline in about two weeks – it coincides with Hagar departing on Execrcise Rochambeau – a joint exercise with the French that takes place in the Champagne region for two weeks. It’s lots of tanks and soldiers.
After this I will be preparing the release of my second book – ‘I Hate Housework’ by Clare Macnaughton. Initially it was going to be an extension of Tales from the Domestic Frontline but now I have decided to just publish all of the unpublished pieces of work that I have written over the years, which presents this very unique autobiographical look at my life. Weird shit happens in my life and it hasn’t been dull. I was sat with a good friend who had just discovered that her husband was a philandering mother fucker and we were both trying to work out when our lives transitioned into episodes of a soap opera. It was never part of the plan. But so you have it – my life is a soap opera and since I was 2 years old there has been something written on it’s evolution and so now I am putting it together and publishing it. I can bring this material to you because of my wordpress blog, which is now nearly 4 years old and the Great Sith Lord Amazon that facilitates Independent Publishing.
There is not a publishing house on the planet that would publish ‘I Hate Housework’ and I no longer care. I have an audience that wants to read it and it may not be in the thousands but it’s better than leaving it all unread. Watch this space – it’s taking time because I have to transcribe from handwritten notes!! Yes, that is how old the copy is I actually wrote it with a pen!