My 7 year old son, asked me last night, ‘Mummy, do you and daddy ever snog?’
‘Absolutely not!’ I replied.
‘Why not?’ he asked.
‘Because his breath smells of bumholes.’ I said.

Following which he properly cracked up. I love it that he thinks the word ‘bumholes’ is so funny. To be honest, I think it’s really funny too and, I love getting him to say it, because he always cracks up. When he is pulling a strop, I become very stern and say, ‘Right, that’s it come here. How dare you be so grumpy. I order you to say ‘bumholes’ without laughing. Now, this is a nigh on impossible task for a 7 year old boy.

I can’t believe that I am allowed to parent a child, it seems insane but it has its moments of preciousness that I love. Sometimes, I am a very naughty parent. I love the fact that I can tell my son, what to do and he’ll do it (if I am lucky) without questioning me. For example, when my husband is bellowing at me from another room in the house, to instruct me to do something I can’t be bothered to attend to, I summon my wee man over.

‘Do me a favour and go and tell daddy he blows goats.’ I sigh wistfully.
‘Ok mummy.’ He says, and off he trips.

While I am lozerking on the sofa, I hear this little voice saying to Hagar, wherever his bellowing has come from,
‘Daddy, mummy says you blow goats, but I actually think you blow baby elephants.’

Oh, how the winter evenings fly by.

(I have blogged this before – so apologies if you have read it already but it short and sweet – plus mildly amusing!)


  1. When I saw the title of this post I just knew it was from you! Such a fun post. I’d love to be a fly on the wall in your house at times! 🙂

  2. LMAO!!!! You are hilarious! I love it! We do the same thing with Little Butt and we each convince her to tell the other something ridiculous. Kids are so fun to mess with!

    1. Ha Ha!! Yes, who knew we could have so much fun. I love how bold they are before they become polluted with fear and self doubt. I love the name Little Butt – are you Big Butt? I would be!

      1. My fave story of yours, I think that you need to seriously speak to a scriptwriter. The treatment would be a comedic look at life from the wife’s view, all the best loudest lewdest loquacious libelous adventures of life married to the army. All the craziest aspects of living on the pad, all the stupid things you go through, but with all the heartwarming bits thrown in.

        love the new site, thanks for the smile


        1. Thanks – do you know one? I did plan out at Milly wives book but my agent at the time rejected it on the grounds that nobody wanted to here a bunch of women moping about their husbands not being at home! I have a new agent. It’s hard to write it while I still live it – a bit like sh*tting on your own doorstep. I think I am waiting to be discovered I have been punting it around a bit and no-one has bitten yet!

  3. I left a message for you on my blog but I didn’t know if you’d get it. I’m not too sure how this works. Kinda new at it.
    Thanks for dropp’n in on my blog and the comment. Yes, I love his pictures, too. The kiss being my favorite. I have 3 scattered throughout the house. Young Brando….OMG…If he were a neighbor kid who lived between us, there would be a big cat fight on the way to school every day. ha ha …Are you saying that you ghost wrote Immediate Response? I didn’t read it but I was thinking in that direction. If you did, now I’ll have to read it. Right after “High Heat.” Story of the fastball pitchers in baseball.
    Oh I see, there’s that “notify me thingy at the bottom.”
    It was fun coming back for another visit.

    1. I have replied on your blog too but thanks for commenting here too – comment whenever you fancy. If you subscribe by email then when I post you’ll get an email notification which will let you know when new stuff is up. Yes, I ghostwrote Immediate Response – but i wrote it as the Major fella in his voice, not mine – he’s a dyslexic Royal Marine, with limited vocabulary!

    1. I know! Fortunately, you don’t need a licence you just have to make them but i guess it’s only a matter of time! Thanks – the new look is a bit harsh and prisoner of war like – i need a balance between floral and prison – I’ll get there!

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