Yes – it’s true, I am officially old and past it. Those high jinx days are over! I am sorry to disappoint you all. Hagar only tutted twice when I heckled and then I stopped just because I wanted to not because I had too. About 4 years ago at my auntie’s house I had my first realisation that I was officially a grown up, who was relegated to the grown up bench. I sauntered over to engage in conversation with my cousin and her friends, who are about a decade younger than me. The said group saw me and looked at me with utter contempt, the sort of contempt that only the genuine yoof can give, as if to say ‘what do you want Grandma? Why are you here?’ I knew then it was over and I was now a grown up. I didn’t fight it, or protest and turn into mutton dressed as lamb and show them my ancient funky chicken. I just quietly backed away and went back to chatting with the other grandmas. It was official I was old.
Last night, sat behind us was a table of youth, all single, with young, beautiful, doppleganger girlfriends. For dessert, the youth played Korean Rules. This is when you tie your napkin around your head with a red wine spot in the middle and eat your dessert without using your cutlery, or hands. Hagar and I, we didn’t and we observed the youthful be youthful and laughed at their exuberance. Ho ho ho! – look how youthful and energetically they exhibit such high jinx.
I enjoyed the speeches, respected the tradition, observed the silences without fidgeting or objection. I sat with other grown ups who didn’t egg me on, or know me as a good sport and we shared stories. I wasn’t so dull I can definitely hold a lively conversation but it was only for the ears of those within the immediate vicinity. The highlight of the dinner was the CO’s speech – ‘war was not a glorious adventure. It’s cruel, destructive and worst of all, indiscriminate in the slaughter and maiming of women and children and non-combatants who play no part in the conflict.’
After dinner, we adjourned to the room with the cocktail mixologists and drank mojitos. I began talking to the newest of the youth, a real Robbie Williams type, good looking, brash, confident, fearless – at the beginning of his game but heading for the top. If I was younger, if I was single then maybe he’d be someone I want to know better. We starting shooting the shit, sharing insights and then all of sudden I thought what am I doing I am sharing information here that potentially was in-appropriate for a senior officer’s wife, and so I just stopped dead in my tracks and decided it was time to move on. Hagar was there – it totally freaked him out. It was completely out of character for me but I think like an aging rockstar – it’s time to adjust my behaviour and find a new thing. Dining-in is done. I am all dined out.