Chickens and Hand Grenades

Chickens and Hand Grenades

The first time I ever threw a hand grenade was quite a tense occasion….you are gripped with performance anxiety and quite rightly so! When you throw a cricket ball or a stone, they won’t kill you if you fluff the throw and it drops at your feet. Unfortunately, the L109A1, which came into service in the British military in 2001, replacing the L2A2 as the standard anti-personnel grenade, will! The L109A1 weighs 465 gm, has a fuse delay of 3-4 seconds. The grenade is filled with RDX explosives. On detonation the steel shell bursts and fragments outwards at high velocity – unlike a cricket ball (unless you really want to cheat!)
So, I take hold of the grenade, my ‘instructor’ retires, leaving me alone at the top of a small hill, with the others hiding behind me on the down-slope. Great , I think, at least they wont cark it if I fuck it! I look at the grenade, ensure the Strike Lever (handle) is in the palm of my hand, so the striker lever is depressed against the body of the grenade, twist and pull the safety pin so it pops out – look at the pin in my left hand, look at the now armed grenade in my right, pin, grenade, pin, grenade – I do this several times to ensure that I throw the grenade and drop the pin and not the other way round! Happy? And lob. Like throwing a stone, not bowling a cricket ball.


Luckily a fair old distance away, and I am left holding the safety pin with a big smile on my face. Job done.

I mention this because throwing a hand grenade is nothing like securing chickens. I was asked by AMMM to provide some security advice on her new flock of hens (gratefully provided for her, in a joint venture, by Wylye Girl). AMMM was worried that the intended site for said Chickens would be accessible to Foxes and Pippin MC (the biggest cat in the world). So I had to conduct a full security review of the location with a view to anti-fox and Pussy cat defences. ‘Easy’ I said, build a fence around them and put some barbed wire on that wall. Simple. The interesting thing is that I did it like I would look at a security review of a Forward Operating Base!

It is hard to take the Military out of the man. Even when dealing with chickens, especially when dealing with hand grenades.


  1. Blimey, for a moment I thought you’d blown them up Hagar! The Husband looked on it as set decoration, with the aesthetically pleasing bale of straw placed just so. Must be a boy thing!

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